Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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