Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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