she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
