I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
