We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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