last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
