we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Randomize
