Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
