I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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