I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
