Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
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The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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