Already got asked if we're dating
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
