ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
