that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
