I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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