At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
