Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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