He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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