CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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