brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
