well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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