If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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