I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
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