you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
