can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
