i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
