I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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