Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
