Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
