I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
