apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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