Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
