He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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