You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
