do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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