my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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