twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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