I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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