I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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