you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
