I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
