Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
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Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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