I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
