I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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