i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
