Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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