strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
