hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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