you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
