tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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