Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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