shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
