She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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