plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
