Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
