Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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