the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
