I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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