worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
