It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
wow bdsm is so cute
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
