There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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