he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
