haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize