Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
