2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
