Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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