I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
