dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
